Though I am Chinese and Armenian, I sometimes pass as white, and that paired with my body falling on the lower end of the plus-size spectrum had previously spared me from such vitriol. Of course, I’m no stranger to people saying appalling things about bigger women, but until then I’d managed to avoid any serious online hate.
The list of insults and epithets numbered into the hundreds. At first, they were congratulatory reactions from friends, but it didn’t take long for the trolls to arrive.įor the first time in my life, I was compared to pigs and cows, I was called “sad” and “perverted,” and I was told to kill myself. Comments and likes started rolling in at an unusually fast rate. I went home and posted this photo on Instagram with a short caption about being proud to be part of the most diverse show at Fashion Week. When it was all said and done, I didn’t trip or fall, no one booed, and I kind of felt like I was supposed to be there. The last thing I saw before I hit the runway is a sign that said, “You are now a #ChromatBabe. Then I looked in front of me and saw Bidot and Karlsson and thought, I can do this.
Part of me wanted to bail right then and there. (I had told McCharen-Tran that I might feel differently had I not needed to go back to my desk job the next morning.) But as we got dressed and waited in formation, I could feel the anxiety rising in my chest. I was originally meant to wear just a wine-colored one-piece swimsuit but wasn’t comfortable with my butt hanging out, so a knee-length wrap skirt was added to the suit. I was even more relieved when I saw my look.
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